NBC ... Nuttin' But Crap

At least when "The Office" isn't on.

You get us hyped up about all these shows all week long for one 30-minute program that's really closer to 15 when you take out the commercials. It's darn ridicerous you don't give us more of what you've coaxed us to want.

We want more Dwight, we want more office supplies in jello, we want more office romance, and we never want to see Steve Carrell kiss any man ever again (just keep trying for Jan).

Impatiently waiting for Thursday,

Madchelle

Eeeeew

Dear Pampers,

Butt ... Feet ... Face ... WRONG!

When advertising the versatility of your wipes, a few suggestions if we may. If you're going to wipe in order of least sanitary part of the body to most, show the wiper using multiple wipes. Or perhaps use different babies so we know it wasn't the same nasty-ass wipe being rubbed all over that poor defenseless child.

I might think it was just me, but everyone in the room agreed. Never underestimate the value of simple test marketing.

Sincerely,

Keri G., Drug Doc and Swiss Swan

High-waisted Acid-washed

To the Regal Cinemas, North Charleston

As the line weaves in and out of black-seatbealt crowd control barriers I can't help but wonder, have I slipped into a time warp? What's the deal with the posters in the ticket window featuring some dude with a gift certificate sticking out of a pear of jeans that would have been stylin' in 1985? High-waist, acid-wash, colorful threaded belt ... whaaaa???

I might think the management was simply lazy and/or cheap and decided to recycle some old poster they found tucked away in an attic, but there's a website on the bottom, meaning it was obviously created sometime this century.

But still I have to wonder, did I show up twenty years too early to see Talladega Nights???

Weirded Out,
KeriG

New Favourite People

To the Rabid Monkey and Just Plain Sug,

Life is grand, and so much fun. It's a blast having you around!

Thanks for the entertainment,

KeriG and DrugDoc

Burger Crap King

Big Hucking Chicken?

BIG HUCKING CHICKEN? What the crap is hucking? If there's some other word you want to say, go ahead and say it. OH WAIT, you can't, because it's the mother of all *words. So instead you say something ridiculous. RIDICULOUS!

Who's the chicken now.

KeriG

Actor "Musicians"

Dear Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Lopez, et al

What's the deal?!? You make one movie in which you play a musician, and all of a sudden you think you've got the right to start a recording career? Enough already.

Jamie Foxx, your music is crap. And J-Ho? Without the booty and a blitz of paparazzi you'd be nothing.

You don't see Joaquin Phoenix or Reese Witherspoon recording any duets.

So really, pick a career and stick with it.

~KeriG and Drug Doc

Product Placement

Dear WB,

We see right through you, as clearly as though we were wearing new Acuvue 2 contact lenses. We're smarter than that, and what's more we're not buying it.

Oooh Lois, we're so proud of you and your new Ford Crap-car. She's driving a Ford. It's a piece of crap. Give it up already.

Capitalism is great and all. Commercials, sure, whatever. Product placement is lame.

Disgustedly,
KeriG

p.s. Red Zone smells hot like Tom Welling.

NASCAR

Dear Friends,

For all those years I considered myself too intelligent to watch cars circle round and round a track for hours on end, I apologize. I was wrong. I get it.

I had no idea how completely hot the drivers are, even when you can't see them.

I had no idea how thrilling it is to smell burnt rubber and be covered in road grime coming off the first turn.

I had no idea how gentlemanly and cool drunken rednecks can be.

And so, to my boys Ryan Newman, Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and Kasey Kahne, I beg for your forgiveness as I submit myself, a humble fan.

Sincerely,
KeriG

Bleeding Heart Liberals

Dear Green Day,

Enough already. Your hit songs resonated with the teenage angst crowd, we get it. Translating that angst into grown up whining is completely unbecoming.

Get over yourselves or get out of this country.

Sincerely,
KeriG